When I grow up I wanna be just like....

Shiezel

aka

@ShizzyENT

BASIKALLY

We went Nando's and she got TABLE SERVICE.

That's how SICK she is.

AND

She helped me to create the 'NO HOMOBASE - mi nuh deal wit tongue and groove, strictkly 'ard wood'

Which still meks me laugh NUFF.

Fallah her and tell her she's a BAD 'OOMAN CAH I SAID SO

xx

Xmas timmmmeee - cameltoe and whiinneeee

Oi I am BARE excited about Christmas.

True, I have no money because I spend it all on brandy, tight clothes and take-aways - so everyone will be getting one of these...

BUT at least if I use that 'tricoloure' pasta it will be red, gold and green and look all yardied urrrrp.

Reasons I love Christmas ;

• Mulled wine - it doesn't really taste that great BUT its perfectly acceptable to drink it any time of day and its hot and its got spices and iron in so its good for you


• Everyone is on partying!! THE best one will be DJ Yasmin's bday on the 20th - come for much hoofage


• MISTLETOE - this basically allows you to lips bare people and they HAVE to do it. I'm putting it in my knickers and using my fave line "Give ah kitty ah kiss"


• Presents - OBVS - are great. Because its stuff you didn't have and then you do. I love stuff.


• FOOD - my mum cooks THE best xmas dinner

So basically I'm excited about the festive season.

Luvage

xxxx

PTC MEETS....... SHIZZLE <3

If there was EVAH one person who personifies everything PTC find frap worthy it is the hwat boy SHIZZLE.

He does grime (swoon), he does Dancehall (double swoon) he has a gold tooth, he’s Jamaican AND he did a tune about PUM PUM SHORTS!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-SBOZWsdfc)

Sooo when I heard he was performing at Hardknock a few weeks ago I was pisssed I couldn’t make it :(

BUT

Not all was lost as I found the perfect medium to try and seduce him 1-on-1 – INTERVIEW!

Hopefully the first in a long line of PTC Meets……

PTC MEETS (aka tries to do sex with) Shizzle

1) Where have you beeeennnnnnn? We missed you! What's been going on?

Well I had to take a lil time away from the music scene as it was getting really hard to balance my personal life with being really bait. I started running into more negative rather than positive situations and before I found myself in too deep I took a step back and made time to put a lot of thought into my plans for the future and if music and all that comes with it was worth my time.

2) And are you back for good now? Don't break our hearts by leaving us again!

I am back bigger and better than ever, ready to take on any challenges thrown at me.. I honestly feel that I've made a transformation for the better because I've always had more to offer but never got the chance to show it in grime due to the restrictions (tempo wise) but now am gonna be touching dance hall also so stay tuned.. Ps. I'll leave the heart breaking to Will-I-am, Shiz is here for as long as the supporters are willing to put up with me.

3) I know you performed @ Hard knock the other week (totally sad I missed the rapeage opportunity!) - How was it being on the stage again?!

I enjoyed every minute of it, the crowd stayed tuned through out so I knew we were keeping them interested. I love to perform and to have a receptive crowd is such a bonus so yeah you missed out on a great night but there's always a next time.

4) We LOOOVVVEEE PumPum Shorts - the favoured item of clothing for the PTC - do you love girls in PPS? Is that why you wrote a tune about them?

Really glad you liked it but unfortunately I cannot take the credit for that track being created because I was just the feature on that one. Discreet suggested that she'd like to do a lil remix of 'Ramping Shop' and the best person to bring the yard style with the right lyrics was me so I got the phone call. I love to see females in PPS, so much I cannot even word it.... Hhytrfreruiioilohgd gguyui

[Hmmm I begin mentally choosing some PPS for Shizzle’s next performance]

5) Lets talk about Camel toe - if you see a girl in her shorts and there is a bit of hoofage - does it turn you on or put you off?

Any man that is turned off by this has definitely gotta get themselves checked, I won't go in too deep but let's just leave it as "nar, it’s definitely NOT a turn off"

[He loves PPS AND Camelhoof – WIN, WIN, WIN]

6) PTC are totally intrigued about your lyric 'Mi buddy thicker dan mi calf' - is this true?! *swoon*

Haha, let's just call that line a lil exaggerated BUT like the song says "I am blesssss... I am blesssss, everyday of my life I am blesssss"

[Praise jah!]

7) We love your lips - (and gold tooth and hot accent) - are you on a lipsing ting?

;) Aww, thank you... * hey mum, thanks (if only you knew what you were creating) lol *. I think lipsing is really quite passionate regardless how sloppy it is, passion isn't something I personally think should be shared with just anyone (but if you meet the criteria, here comes the passion)

[At this point I’m left unable to ask any further questions as my mind has gone off into full on fantasy mode….the lips, the lips….]

You can listen to and watch Shizzle being buff and talented at

www.youtube.com/shizzleno1

In particular check out ‘Uhrah’ and ‘The Greatest’ – my faves.

OMG

I’m more than a little in lovvveeeeee

xxxxxx

Really Logan?!

Logan - your hair troubles me.

You don't fit in with the crew;

Not only are you doing a lame 'thumbs up' sign, not only do you have a terrified look on your face but you're sporting

IN 2009 - THAT'S NOT GANGSTER

Please get a new haircut and stop ruining pictures of fit emcees with your tennis player wigstyle.

Thanks

xx

Ooh try an afro or dreds

They TRIVVVEE off it.

So about 2 years ago, 2 of my friends went travelling and met some CRAZY Irish guys - and when they came home we went to visit them in ROUNDSTONE, which is a small village in GALLWAY. (Look it up - hype weekend away, truss me)

THEY BE CRAZY.

I coud blog all day about how eff'd up, fun and amusing it was but then I woudn't get to the hacktual point of my story and the reason i'm doing this ere bloggy. So the highlights were;

• Learning about Brandy&Baileys - this drink will fuck your 'ole life up rooodeboy
• My friends just stopping me going to a houseparty with a guy we met in the street - he was raving to his own 'head music' and trying to forcefeed me ketamine
• The Irish version of 'Joey' - "How are youuu doooing?"
• A guy whistling for his kids, then laughing and claiming they were "Just like dags" when they came running
• A houseparty where guys were dipping spoons into bags of cocaine - I swear I thought I was in Scarface. Except it was cold, and nobody was wearing open hawian shirts
• A guy at the above mentioned party making me talk to his dog. "Look into his eyes, he's a clever focker. Ah, talk to him"

ANYWAY....

My point - I did have one, swear down.

So the boys there were JOKES - and the thing that gave me the biggest jokes was the way they say

"WHAT?" - like alllllllll the time bllllaaaddd.

Like this >>> http://www.divshare.com/download/9350923-ce6

I used to call their names just to hear it.

So much so that one time I tried to get them to do it and one of the guys goes >>

http://www.divshare.com/download/9350915-dbd

"Don't be saying it, they TRIVE off it"

Pahahhahahahha I DID - I WAS HYPED OFF THAT SHIIIITTT.

So

MR ANON - CARRY ON POSTING YA HYPE CHAT ON ERE - CARRY ON READING WHAT I WRITE AND GETTING PISSED OFF ABOUT IT.

CAH YOU KNOW WHAT,

I 'TRIVE' OFF IT

xxx

Anons Make the World go Round

HIYA!

"bollox... how much hating on tha girl, how i see it, u cant hate her that much, cuz uve took time out to blog about her, soooo instead of beggin blogpost views by even mentioning her name, i say u go find sumfin else 2blog about u bunch of twats.. i mean, do any of u even have a career, a day job, 9 - 5 .. anything that doesnt revolve around this bullshit blog site? how ridiculous really.. an bout u run tings, lmfaooo which fuckin part.. always gonna be low level, BLOGPOST, bullshitting CRAP... so blog about that bithces"

So basically AHHHH AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks for stopping by, taking some time out and having a read, god I love anons.

Please continue to vent as I love it when we cause offence.

PTC & HOSTILE ANONS- (don't feel left out those with premature menopause) FO LIFE. x

BUN ERRYTING

So yeah, basically, if you have one of these>>

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

I can't, however, bring myself to tongue the pummi.

FUCK MY LIFE.

xxx

Whhhaaa gwan pummies?

So, erm yeah. I haven't blogged in a hot minute.


SO


I shall attempt to catch you up on whats been going on in my life.

First - after due to the rampant success of my pimped snail ( http://camelhoof.blogspot.com/2009/08/all-that-glitters-might-not-be-gold-but.html )
I decided I should move onto something more substantial.

I went to check my mums bredrin as she had just bought some bare small tortoises.

THEY WERE FUCKING SICK.






But they were too small to have too many sequins pon dem PLUS they were £160 EACH. Basikally, I told her to suck out.

So then I went away with my fambily to a place called THE NEW FOREST.


I tried to tek a picture of my dad but when I told him it was going on the CamelHoof blog he started hiding. I should have been ore stealth. Bless his poor picky headtop xx




TBH I dunno why they call it a forest cah its just fields, trees and BAAARRRRREEEE ponies.

LIKE

BARE

Everywhere you go, there are nuff ponies. Imagine Hackney with the roodeboys substituted fi ponies. ITS THAT.

You have to stop the car for them:

AND they jam outside the shops saying "Oi Bruv, lend me a pound?"

The bestest thing about the N.F (not National Front #nationalfrontfidead) was a heavenly invention called "CLOTTED CREAM TEAS"

Imagine if you had a raper at the bar buying you a rum and coke, an emcee spitting about how fit you are and how good your leggings look on stage and a road rooodeboy daggering you to the sounds of Vybz >> THATS how these make you feel.

Erm, them I came home. And this stuff all happened >>

GotdrunkwenttoYazminsnightI'llblogthisseperatelygotdrunkdidntdressupforhalloweenatenuffhalvafeltsickwrotethisbloggychattedsmutpontwittahthenbarepeopleunfollowedmecunts

Lovage

xxxxxx

SBTVizzle

BASIKALLY

I

HEART

SB

He is touching my heart in a way usually reserved for my PTC massive and rooodeboyz in string vests for these following reasons.

• He films fit rappers/emcee's and brings them to one sex'd up location pon my screen

Click here to see video's of fit emcee's

• He is on twitta even more than me

@sbtvonline

• He is fully down with the PTC

• He's made some FIT t-shirts (which would look infinately better on my bedroom floor Junior, hallah)

AND

• He has good hair

So. PTC&SBTV - I think the only thing left to do is a collab really! So, erm...... you should come to Yaz's night on the 1st and film some hoof

xxxxxx

"Erin, why do you always go to 'Black clubs'?"

Anybody pon class a's - tek weh yuself!

xxxx

PumTang Parttttaaaayyyy!!!

If you want to party with the PumTang ladies then please mark the **1st November** in ya BB or iphone or diary or whatever you use to kee ya life in check.

Because our very own resident PTC DJ Yasmin is having her very own hoofilicious night! (Ang on a minute - she sooooo should have caled it that!!!)

Also playing and wearing wetlook leggings (she hasn't told them that yet... shushhhh) will be MR THING (DMC Champ / Extended Players) and MAGDI FERNANDESHIP

Music will be a load of fit shit to bring all the boys to the yard so we can shake our hooves in some crutches - HipHop, R&B, Old School and that....

ENTRY is 100% FREE!!!!!! Which means ya have more money to hunt down a PTC member and buy her a dark rum :)

Dress Code is obvs leggings, string vests and low batty jeans but failing that - wear whatever the rarse-ole you want!!

Ermmm... halla at Yas with any questions pon di twttah >> @DJYASMIN

AND BASIKALLY - BE THERE!

Mwah

xxxxxxxxx

Let me play with your hair?!

I'd like to share with you my favouritest milky love god of all time, after Collie Buddz obvs.

Now I love mc's - I love Grimey lyrics - it stands to reason that two mc's battling it out lyrically in a basement surrounded by other mc's is enough to get me slick in ma panties.



And that's how I first discovered the sex appeal of Scratchy.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqHDltr-mqQ



With his bed-head hair, heroin chic cheek bones and off the wall style - he was BEAUTIFUL.







I loved him even more when Roll Deep took over RWD Mag and he did an article on his different hairstyles. SWOON.



Scratchy, I quite wanna do some sex with you so holla - that is, as long as you don't smell - I worry you look as if you might :(



Forever Yours



Fuchsia



xxxx

You got a HOOF but are you gonna skank doe?

Us PTC ladies are big fans of exercise. We mainly like to exercise our fingers by sending sexually charged tweets to grime MCs and we also like to exercise our mouths by eating hotrods as regularly as we can, but along with this we also like to indulge in things that leave us short of breath and leave our bodies pumping. Obviously daggering is our FAVORITE pastime but we also enjoy other work outs such as vigorous shopping for leggings that are too small on us (maximise the hoof), walking to KFC to buy the previously mentioned hotrods, decorating our rooms with posters of T.I and Collie Buddz and then doing things that make us break out in a sweat, shaking our hips and batties from side to side and pushing out our breasts at every buff ting to walk by and of course we aren't opposed to a bit of a (seductive) skank.

Ah yes, dancing. After all dancing is not only an excellent way to keep fit but it is also "a vertical expression of a horizontal wish" and all those other prudish ways of saying that dancing is basically sex minus the exchange of bodily fluids (unless you're lucky).

There are only 3 types of dance a PTC girl should aim to master:

1) DANCEHALL QUEEN

If we observe the above we can see that the hoof gets a maximum stretching workout as does the batty likewise. In turn this makes for a more comfortable getting down session which might result from practicing such moves up in the club.

2) BELLY DANCER

Now belly dancers can SHAKE - like a human vibrator. They move their bodies like a snake (hold tight R.Kelly) as well as managing to separate each part of their body so it shakes independently. Mastering bellydance means you'll be able to wriggle your way onto anything and, erm... MULTI-TASK.

3) SALSA SENIORITA

The best bit about salsa is that you need a partner most of the time and a lot of the moves involve legs intertwining and wrapped around your partner - it's basically a warm up of things to come - WIN.

Ballet who? Jazz where? Tap what? If it doesn't involve thrusting, pum pum/cocky contact or full body vibration then it's not dancing. Any other kinds of skanks would just be rude to be honest.

GET TO KNOW THE MOVES TO KEEP THAT HOOF IN SHAPE.

What fucking time do you call this!?

Any self-respecting PTC member worth the fabric up her crack knows that all the best parties kick off late - like 12am - and when you've been up all night 'vybzin' - and when I say vybzing I mean getting daggered by boys with slitty eyes and visable boxers- you're BOUND to be too tired to get up before, like, 11am.

So how the FUCK is 12pm MIDDAY?! I only just got up fool-fool inventor of time (Is that you God, did you invent that?! 'Av a word wit yaself)

12pm is like breakfast time - 'I'm just about ready to go out in public' O'clock.

And 12am - MIDNIGHT?! Nah blad, I just got ere. 12am is more like 'I've had one-two brandy and I am at my sexual and aesthetic peak for the night' (later my hair will go frizzy, I'll start proclaiming loudly that I 'DON'T GIVE A RARSE-CLART' and my wetlook leggings will be doused in Wray and Nephews from where I tried to impersonate a Dancehall Queen on the bar)

So these times are all wrong! 12pm isn't the middle of the day - 4pm is. And 12am isn't the middle of the night - 4am is! So God, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawkings, Darwin, Griminal - whichever of you invented this time ting please rectify.

Tanks.

x

http://twitter.com/search?q=%23petitiontomovemiddayto4pmandmidnighto4am

Fight for this love>?! I would KILL you in a fight Chezza!!!

Fight for love? Fight for a handbag? Fight for a top 10 hit? She couldn't fight her way out of a frikkin brown paper bag with Roni Size AND DJ Khaled helping her.



The tune is a smolchy piece of crap - swear I heard you were working with Will.I.Am? Well he either boy'd you off in a big way or he gave up. And she has some weird synthetic voice thingy.



The video is SHIT.



What fucking tune are you dancing to!? You're in some 'sexy urban' wear and krumping ya way through 3 minutes of crap. Maybe she was wearing headphones because she sure as hell wasn't dancing to that crap.



And while I'm on the subject -

Ya 'marriage' to Ashley-suck-a-dick-Cole.



So, rewind our minds back to 2003 when a young Miss Tweed is on a night out (no doubt in full velour) and manages to get in a fight with the toilet attendant, calling her a 'black bitch'.





"On the night of the assault, Cheryl Tweedy was already wasted - on vodka and Red Bull, wine and complimentary champagne - when she staggered down to the ladies' lavatories. There sat 38-year-old Sophie Amogbokpa, a black lavatory attendant, who earned a paltry £25 a night with which she funded her part-time law degree. In the course of a dispute - during which Miss Amogbokpa requested that Tweedy pay up for the sweets she had snatched - an energised Tweedy punched her very hard in the eye. In the pictures, Amogbokpa looked as if she had been horribly mugged: she suffered pain for weeks."


Taken from The Telegraph no less!




So Cheryl is a racist little prick.

About this same time rumors surface pon da net that Asley has been getting his cock sucked by Masterstepz. Stepz has a very pronounced under bite, I reckon that might make for good head?








So, 1 pop starlet branded a racist and 1 footballer announced as the only gay in Chelsea Village.

Hmmmm what to do?!



Fast forward and the pair are convienantly wed.

Guess who DJ'd at the wedding?!?!

So Ashley can carry on getting his batty jooked in peace and Cheryl can attend her national front meetings without worrying about the negative press.




"My boyfriend's black, init"

"Batty? Nah man - my girls like Miss 2009 or sumting"





WE HAVENT FORGOTTEN!!!



PTC run tings, ting nuh run WE.



Remember that CHERYL CUNT.



Outtie



xxx

Twitterature

Awight?

So we played a new game today on the social minefield that is Twitter.
As Wednesday is rapidly becoming #sexday... we thought we'd write a little story to get our (creative) juices flowing.

There were a few key players, thanks guys - it was emotional.

Here goes:


Jess wasn't sure why she had agreed to this, but here she was...waiting for Carl in the penthouse suite of the best hotel in town (@blogatha)

She decided to prepare herself for his arrival and slipped out of her stiff suit and into the large tub of hot bubbly water(@fuchsiastiletto)

Typically, Carl was late, as was the hour and thus her mind wandered to what had happened the last time they... (@djhoop)

Carl glanced at his watch - 7:35 pm. the wheels of his ford transit van spun unsteadily against the tough concrete of the m25(@MrBeatnick)

He pressed down hard on the pedal, heart racing as he knew he would offend his love. installing that new sink had taken forever(@mrbeatnick)

As Carl sped to the hotel, enjoying the surge of lust that he had contained for so long...Jess' mind, and fingers, wandered down memory lane (@blogatha)

She lazily explored herself and remembered why she always kept coming back to her unavailable, yet irresistible love. She knew... (@blogatha)

...that carl was irresistible because he had a nigh perfect spiderman outfit...(@TaZzBo)

...which he suprised her with the last time they met up. As she felt the waves of excitement wash over her she heard his key turn the lock (@blogatha)

She felt her heart skip a beat, and she contemplated getting out the tub, but it was so nice in there, so she called out "I'm in here..." (@blogatha)

He carefully opened the door into the palacial en-suite and took in the heady scent of burning oils and bubbles (@TaZzBo)

"cor pet, you look dead fit" exclaimed Carl in an incredulous tone. "Owsabout I clamber in their and scrub yer back?" (@mrbeatnick)

His accent grated on her, it was true... but one sight of that ripped torso and she struggled to contain herself. "Don't say anything... (@blogatha)

...just take your clothes off" He willingly obeyed and kneeled at the side of the tub and began to kiss her neck. (@blogatha)

The scent of the bath oil aroused him, his hands caressed her body. Goosepimples covered her body as his kisses moved toward her...(@LondonBajan)

...bumhole (@guinnessdj)

"HOLD ON TO YOUR NIPPLES" he hollered (@kambo)

Carl had worked himself into quite a state by now, every inch of him was tingling with pleasure... and Jess was getting close too. (@blogatha)

She loved the way Carl could work her into such a lather, she grabbed feverishly at his glistening skin as he entered her and began to thrust (@blogatha)

Their bodies moved like pistons of desire, devouring eachother until the pleasure built up so much that Jess thought she may scream (@blogatha)

But just as they were about to explode, Carl withdrew and wildly exclaimed "THIS IS AN ART ATTACK" (@blogatha)


Jess remembered why she was hesitant to meet again. Carl was a fucking good shag but these Neil Buchanan impressions had to stop. (@blogatha)

Fin.


Hawt!

I love you Twitter x

RAWR

HELLO!

CHAINED TO THE RADIATOR IN THE PTC HOUSE

*swoon*

WE'RE THE PTC, WE'RE STOOPID FOR THIS RAP SHIT!





Luda and Premier would both get it in the face, repeatedly.

Yo, ho...HOE

What's dark and smooth and makes you wet?

What can't you get enough of going down your neck?

What gets you excited and then takes you to bed?

It's RUM, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Ok, so the PTC like a lot of things...

You know we like Mr. Buddz, rubbing our Vajayjays on any man with a riddim and wearing enough realfakegold to make Captain Jack Sparrow (swoooon) come 'a knockin'

BUT

There is one thing that we would gladly give it all up for.

That's right...

A bold serving of dark rum with coke and a couple of lime wedges = sex (quite literally sometimes ;)


This wonderful elixir is responsible for turning this:

Into this:




Magic, huh?


Rum is always the tipple of choice, I mean.. it makes you feel sexier, tastes like heaven AND guarantees you a good night's sleep. Who needs a boyfriend with rum around?

So yeah, I'm dedicating this post to the wonder of rum...without you our lives would be considerably less sexy (and considerably more celibate)

We love you because you love us more.

Dj Yasmin mixtape

Mixtaaaaape...


You all already knew how h'exellent our hoofs are, well here be another example of our multi-talented clan. Our very own Dj Yasmin doing what she does best and dropping us a 20 min mini mix sounds of Lisa Lisa and Missy E... 20 minutes of big tunes old and new school!

See we're not just opinionated potty mouths and sought after literary gems please feel free to add musical G's to that list too. Download & Enjoy...

You're welcome.

DOWNLOAD HERE

HEXentuate ya hoof during ya workout

I'm not a big fan of 'The Exercise' myself - I mean it REALLY gets in the way of me eating chicken and beign daggered (Oh gash, I just came up with a brilliant mental picture of the combo though - backshots over a KFC bucket anyone?) BUT the only advantage of the gym is the bare fit outfits that allow maximum hoof exposure.

It has now been brought to my attention (by the luffy @kambo) that the addition of a lickle sweat patch can be a big turn on. Kambo has witnessed this and been kind enough to draw me a picture (below)

So ladies. when you work out ya body - WORK THA HOOOOOF!

xxx

Ansah me dat.

5 questions, put out pon my Twitter. Best answers are below. I basikally LOVE most of them.

1) Hoof or Cleavage and why?

tonyblk@FuchsiaStiletto Hoof! Who doesnt prefer hoof? What Pleasure does cleavage give you really? Do i look like i wanna stare. I like a nice, warm, moist enviroment! Not feeling the residue though, especially when it dries....llow me (In depth, I like!)

PrinnyAurora @FuchsiaStiletto Cleavage. Mine are 32GG. (Wooooyyyy, jealous, much?!) No other explanation needed. Thanks. X

Kambo@FuchsiaStiletto has to be both, lubed hoof and pendulous sweaty dooos!

2) Tune to get your dagger on to?

tonyblk @FuchsiaStiletto Eskimo, infact any Grime tune. Why? cos i can release that aggressive side. them abusive ones there! Show me a woman who doesnt like a gun finger, and I'll show you a liar! (Swoon, literally fucking swoon. I'm bolding AND italicizing this one. I heart you Tony)

Kambo@FuchsiaStiletto hanson mmm bop. I fuckkng love blondes

Iamdjb @FuchsiaStiletto 2)Bonnie Tyler Total eclipse of the heart Get our slow Dagger on

MzLamara@FuchsiaStiletto I would happily get dagger 2 this tune http://bit.ly/fJypR the lyrics say it all & the beat is sweet

hannarnia@FuchsiaStiletto n e bashment tune to get boned 2 lol

3) Bestest Chicken?

Kambo@FuchsiaStiletto the colonel sanders, spicy stylee

apparentlyrich@FuchsiaStiletto 3. My Aunt's Jerk - nuff said. Then Popeyes. KFC comes a very close third.

PrinnyAurora @FuchsiaStiletto KFC...and my mum.

tonyblk @FuchsiaStiletto Morleys, quick ting, eat the wings n shullup, i aint taking you to grandma's. are you MWAD?

MzLamara@FuchsiaStiletto Gyal needs to pop down to 'TakeTwo' for some Jerk chicken.... that chicken will put fire in yuh belly & love inna ya soul!

4) If you had to buy me a present to get at the hoof, what would it be?

GarBelle@fuchsiastiletto to get into it - a new fur! (I LOOOVVVE fur, fuck animals. I need your coat to look buffting so DIE)

apparentlyrich@FuchsiaStiletto 4. Most likely a very expensive bottle of bubbly but if we're going all out for it, maybe a diamond necklace. (Nice, but give me Wray&Nephews anyday!)

insy09@FuchsiaStiletto whizz candy that crackles in your mouth (Could pop that in my hoof?!)

Kambo@FuchsiaStiletto scarf soaked in chloroform (Works everytime! Personal fave)

MzLamara@FuchsiaStiletto To get in2 your hoof (no homo). I'd get you a years subscription to 'RudeBwoyz R' US'. Anyway u want them, u can have them! (Now THIS is more like it. Roooodeboys on demand?! WIN)

PrinnyAurora @FuchsiaStiletto A dildo smothered in crystals that smelt of KFC and sang Jamaican love songs to you in a Yardy accent...OBVS (Now THIS is a girl that really knows me. Careful attention to detail)

Iamdjb @FuchsiaStiletto 4) rohyphnol

5) You’re starting a fashion label, what do you call it?

PrinnyAurora @FuchsiaStiletto "Look at my tits, they're real. Also look at my arse, it's cracking". Would be known as LAMTTR - ALAMAIC. RRP for all - £3 (I would actually rock this label all day long, plus star in the adverts)

tonyblk@FuchsiaStiletto Fashion? awah you tek me for? last thing i wanna be doing is giving you clothes. KMT. (Sorry, wasn't listening. You had me at 'Awah you tek...' <3)

MzLamara@FuchsiaStiletto Fashion label... 'Daggerus'. the fashion line that says... When straight jooking is not enough... come fi di dagger! (Slogan is feckin brilliant)

apparentlyrich@FuchsiaStiletto 5. Big Squirrell clothing - that's trademarked btw.

Kambo@FuchsiaStiletto hoof hat deluxe

GarBelle@fuchsiastiletto Hoof Couture - made tight round the crotch for extra hoofage! (WIN, WIN, WIN!)

In conclusion -

You're all bufftings but my love PrinnyAurora gets first choice of my hoof. How do you feel girl?!

PrinnyAurora @FuchsiaStiletto WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Cheers. I'd like to thank my mum, dad, brother, Jesus, God, My producer, my bra...

Oh and PTC we need to put our logo to some of these clothing ideas!

xxx

MOTHS FI DEAD

A prick cunt moth comes up to me inna di clluurb last night - about 'Got a light?' Fuck orrrrfff

I DECLARE WAR PON 'IM who eats CLOTHES. Lickle dusty rarse 'oles, living bumper car of a cunt.

If you love the light so much, GO OUT IN THE DAY YOU PRICKS

"Boom bye bye Inna moth bwoy head. Rude bwoy no promote no nasty moth, Dem haffi dead"

Follow the movement pon Twitter #mothsfidead

One love (except if you're a moth)

x

Romance Fi Real

I'm in love, again.



Or is it lust?



So I watched 'True Romance' again last nigth and forgot what a muther fucking badddddda'OOMAN this chick is....

• Reasons why-

She dresses in HWAT clothes

She has platinum blonde hair - anyone that can pull this off is heartable.

She has sex in a phone box

She laughs at the gangster tryiong to kill her, takes a serious beating and then MURKS HIM OFF with a corkscrew.

She has a FIT tattoo (which I want by the way - replace 'TRUE ROMANCE' with 'FUCK ROMANCE, GIMME HEAD')

She was a prossie 4 times then turned wifey - fair play gyally.

She is more than a little nuts!

She calls her kid Elvis.

I want to be her, arrange it pls God.

Safe blud

xxxx

Pleasing the Pum, Twilight style.

So now you can get a Twilight-themed dildo... Parents, prepare to see even LESS of your moody teenage daughters...

And here's the best part: The website suggests you store it in the fridge so it’s like you're boning a real vampire. Uhhh, right. But seriously, the target market is probably too young to buy it. But more importantly, where the fuck was all the character-themed hardware when I was growing up? I would have loved a Jack-from-Titanic one. Yesplz.

Oooh actually, a frozen Jack-at-the-end-of-Titanic dildo would be even better! STIFF.