Tuesday, 28 July 2009

DA HOOF A Male Perspective

Sooooo my boy Slagjekt did what no man has dared to do yet and aired his views on the militant, hoof touting collective that has become the PTC. Personally I'm not averse to seeing the full crumpled cock outline busting out onna breh but make your own opinions biatches!

Writing a guest blog for Camelhoof is hard enough as it is, what with all the militant filth spewing forth from the fanny-crease army better know as the PTC. But consider the fact that I'm male and you start to realise the territory I'm entering into here. Still, I'm gonna man up on some Jean Claude Van Flange levels and get it wrote, because that's what needs to be done.

So what do us penis-having motherfuckers think about the almighty hoof? Let's get a proper definition first yeah, so I seem all intellectual and shit - "Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of the female labia majora when seen through tight form-fitting clothes".

Ok, what the fuck is a labia majora? I want to know what a cameltoe is, not sit down for a 4 hour seminar with Patrick Moore about the outermost constellation in our solar system. Actually, come to think of it, that pervy old fucker might be onto something: The Great Bear - don't front girls, you know there are some of you that let your shit bush out far too much down below, what up Venus razor?; The Plough - end of the night, WKD drunk, what's the going rate for child support blackmail these days?; The Labia Majora - a wide expanse of matter which creates a vaccum, sucking in all around it, culminating in a white dwarf.

Right, that's clear then. Now, I gotta put this into perspective for us lot. There are times when my boxer shorts decide they want to go hiking and bust out of position and that is neither comfortable nor a pretty sight. Every male has been there, unless they roll commando in which case their problems lie in continual cock-chafe and I just ain't about spending the greenbacks on lotion to sort that shit out. Right, now when a guy has his nut sack going into different hemispheres, there is surely nothing as unattractive as that for a girl? Similarly, when I see some spandex slithering its way into oblivion between a girl's thighs, it's more a case of sneer than leer.

Oh fuck it, who am I kidding? Essentially every boy starts each day as that wide-eyed virgin he was when the only way he got any action was the stealth-bogle behind the girl with the big batty during "Re-Rewind" at a shit house party he wasn't actually invited to. And what do virgins want more than anything? Well, alright, they wanna fight alongside one of the X-Men and have badarse metal claws and shit, but second to that, they want vagina. They don't know what to do with it when they get it, but at least with the hoof on show, they can satisfy themselves with salivating behind their Star Trek annual.

All hail the hoof!

Abjekt aka Hoof-face Killah.


  1. i stumbled on your blog via a twitter post and it made me cackle like Peggy Mitchell in pre-Archie days...

    there isn't enough literary hoof/toe/floo/twunt/fanny-valley-alley love in the world so thank you girls for doing our outer giblets proud...

    oh yeah and this bloke wrote a decent enough post for a penis possesor...

    Puntime Francky x

  2. Yup, you held it up for the PTC babez!

    Next time ya boxers go on a hike - HOLLA FOR HELP YEH#?